A post came on Facebook today that said “when I was a kid, I thought the moon followed the car everywhere”, which got me thinking about when I was a child. I remember a time when I thought the clouds being blown by the wind, was the world spinning around…
I think I had a relatively good childhood, my Mum and Dad loved me and we weren’t abused, only my big brothers were sometimes threatened with the “big black belt” and one of my brothers often got sent to the kitchen to eat, for eating like a pig at the table. My parents used to argue a lot and I hated that, so much and then Dad had to leave when I was 11, which devastated me. After that we never saw Dad much and when we did we had to sit and wait for him outside the Orewa Trust Tavern, however I think I grew up relatively unscathed.
I didn’t like my mother’s boyfriend, he was abusive to my mother but she kept clinging on to him. I can see now that because my mother was fostered, she had a need and didn’t deal with rejection, but at the time, I felt betrayed. I didn’t understand why she would want him around when he was mean and nasty and caused her and me nothing but grief. Everything happens for a reason. When I became a mother, I promised my children never to put a man before them and to this day I do not believe I have. My children will always come first. Being a mother is my purpose. There is nothing more important to me than rearing children to prepare them for their lives. I am by no means perfect, as my children will tell you. But I am here for them in a positive way, I am their comfort and their safe place, no matter where I may be. I always, always have their backs even if they don’t think I do. I know how children think.
I don’t do mean and nasty, I cannot see any need for that behaviour. Because someone was abused as a child, it is no excuse for them too abuse going forward. It is a choice! The abused must choose to not abuse or the vicious cycle continues to destruct. It is not okay! Abuse damages. It does. Which brings me to the crux of the matter, which is mental health. I am no expert but I have definitely had experience on this issue. I was taken to Court by a sociopath who damaged his son. I could see it a mile off. The charming father who pretended he was a nice person while he manipulated and conjured up trouble to get what he wanted. The truth always comes up and it makes my heart race just thinking about it. The utter grief he caused, was unfathomable and I guess I am still dealing with it. The aftershock of abuse, which was stressful to the point that a despicable man was sent to prison for twelve months, it was a serious outcome for that which I was abused with.
People need to be kind to one another. No one was ever damaged by kindness. Kindness balances out the crap that is often dealt to us, and indeed, unless we had bad things happen, we wouldn’t know what was good either. Abuse which damages leads to mental disorders. If the abuse is not dealt with, it will destruct the inner self. There is no two ways about it. Abuse and trauma cause damage to the mental health. Just the same as a knife will cut into your flesh. My previous post looks at this, indepth.
So, what has to happen here? Intensive therapy to bring up all the issues, even the hidden ones, which people sometimes block out to free the “demon” and deal with it. Learn to accept it, and acknowledge that it may never go away completely, but accepting it and how to live with it. Masking it with drugs and pretense is futile and will eventually rot the soul. My Court abuse bought justice (of a kind) eventually, a man went to jail and the sociopath burnt all his own bridges which meant he could no longer cross the crevasse he created.
If you are someone that abuses, you need to take a good hard look at yourself, only you can’t can you because you think your illusion has us fooled? Well then let me tell you this, your image of yourself is not what other people see, you are only fooling yourself. To the world, you are something that sickens and disgusts. The venom that exudes from your mouth is poison, and it is this, that you think makes you look like a man. You clearly are no man. Your bitterness is so deep you are enslaved to it and you hate yourself so much, that you have to take others down with you. I pity your tormented soul, but I stay clear of it. You may think you have won, but this is only the beginning. Your dirty secret, has almost surfaced. Truth, pure truth always reveals himself and then everyone around you will finally understand.
It is the sins of the fathers…and mothers that cause mental unwellness. I could even go a little further to say, when the brain is developing in early childhood, it will form barriers and blockades to protect itself for its future. I am no stranger to controversy, and I stand by what I say. I have seen it many times, and experienced it. The father/son relationship is often strained – it was in my family. When fathers damage their sons and mothers damage their daughters and all the other ways this goes, it ends in “mental disorders” in a lot of cases. We know that trauma damages also and people who experience traumatic events, need help to deal with it. Correct me if I’m wrong. I am open to that. My children would tell you that I not open to that. But I am…